Screwing Anne

First off, get your mind out of the gutter! 

Today was an off day. 

Tonight I was playing in 'the pit' for Anne of Green Gables and I had one of those off nights!  That's an understatement! I screwed up just about every song tonight!

It felt like it was the first time I played the bass and as my first test I was given the bass book to Anne of Green Gables and forced to learn on the spot. 

It started when I woke up and couldn't figure out what time it was. I had forgotten to set the alarm and had to teach a lesson at 11am.  Luckily I hadn't overslept but I woke up in a panic and that feeling basically stayed all day.

I spent way too long downtown doing really nothing today and it wore on me.  I hate being away from Elizabeth and hate not having a car.  I really don't mind walking at all, in fact I love it.  I've walked all of my life.  It's just that sometimes the convenience of a car is so great.  Like today, I had to teach the lesson at the confed ctr at 11am and then I had an appointment up the road at 2pm and then a show at 7:30.  It takes me 30 mins to walk from where I'm living to the Confed so there was no sense in walking home in between any of those appointments. 

So, I taught the lesson.  Went to Mavor's, where I've been almost every day, to use the wireless internet and ended up having lunch there.  Then I went to my appointment at 2pm.  I was early so I went to Cash Converters and picked up Sting's 'Brand New Day' ( I'm on a Sting kick as I've just read his memoir Broken Music - Discovered that he, like myself, was an inhabitant of 'the pit' in his past....not for Anne of Green Gables of ), looked at a few nasty old guitars, and headed to my appointment. my appointment...weirdest experience ever...lately I've been smartening up in a lot of areas in my life and one of them is my hearing.  I now want to protect it.  Rather than have the attitude 'you can't be a musician if you wear stupid earplugs' I decided to follow Don Fraser's advice and check out Island Audiology and get custom Musician's Earplugs made.  By custom, I mean, she stuck two little pieces of foam WAY in my ear and then using a syringe proceeded to fill each ear with beige goop that blocked 95% of my hearing.  It was truly amazing what extraneous noise you don't notice - fans, computers, outside traffic, people in the next room, chairs squeaking, etc...when she put the stuff in was ALL gone.  but it was the weirdest sensation ever and actually hurt...well..not really but I could feel the pressure inside my ears and it was unconfortable.  She told me I couldn't talk for 8 minutes while it set so I sat there, 95% deaf, as she sort of talked to herself, or maybe me..not sure..I couldn't hear her!  I almost felt clausterphobic. 

After a while she wiggled the stuff around and pulled them out of my ears, put the nasty lookin things into a little plastic baggy and said they'd be ready in two weeks.  weird

So after that I walked back into town feeling just off. off.  off.  I felt like she pulled the liquid out of my inner ear and that my balance was off.  It was like a strange dream that felt half real and half hallucinagenic. Everything in slow motion.  I don't really know why this happened but it wore off. 

I passed by the Atlantic Technology Centre and decided to go in to use their wireless net.  This was the best part of my day.  I went to the bathroom ( well that was good but not what I mean ) and on the way back something caught my eye.  Something familiar that I hadn't seen since leaving Calgary.  Something essential.  Something devine.  Yet Something Dark.  Bags of Starbucks Coffee Beans at the Coffee shop!  If I had of been broke, I probably would have whored myself on University Ave to make enough money to buy the bag of delightfulness.  I have had my fix of starbucks at Mavor's but..well...they don't know how to make it right. It's watered down - or just made poorly. I look forward to tomorrow morning when I grind these lovely beans and  use my Starbucks Stainless Steel French Press to make delicious coffee! mmmmmmm

I digress

So I spend a couple hours at the ATC working on the website, and then head over to the centre at 5pm when the ATC closed.  On the way I see Back Alley Discs is open so I head over.  Chas is there and I ask if he has any Sting.  He of course convinces me to buy a rare Sting live double CD Bring on The Night.

I had already purchased one CD today and this second CD would be my punishment. But I'll get to that.

I grab a slice of Pizza at J.R. Capones and the nicest person who's ever worked there is working again.  The poor girl working the place alone in this damned heat and the store is like an oven...but she's pleasant and asks how my day is going.  Most people who have good customer service jobs don't give a shit and would never ask that.  She's working in the closest thing to hell on PEI and she's smiling.  Awesome!

I sit on a bench at the Confed Ctr, start eating my pizza..start listening to the first Sting CD I bought that day and in the meantime I knock over my bottle of Orange Pop onto the concrete and it rolls onto the doesn't break but it's now covered in freshly cut grass! excellent!

I finish my pizza and head over to the mall to kill more time.  I go to the bookman where the other day I bought Sting's Broken Music and scour the place.  Nothing interests me.  I walk across the street to the used book store and find the paperback of Jim Morrison's biography..the one with the red star exclaiming 'Bestseller..over 1 million copies sold'.  Strangely I buy it. 

So, I get to the Centre I open up my laptop to rip the Sting Double CDs onto my MP3 player.  I grab my new purchase, open the first case...No the second case...No CD...Chas and I had been chatting as usual as we made the transaction and he forgot to actually put the discs in the case for me! Yay! Empty jewel cases! I walk back over to his store but he's closed!  His store is only open from 12-5 on Mondays!  Bass Player! 

In the middle of Anne I try to take my mind off the fact that I'm sad without Elizabeth and having a crappy day by reading the Jim Morrison Biography...I barely make it through the epilogue without getting more depressed at the short life of Mr. Morrison and his government of music. I'm still reading the epilogue when I hear the cue line to my entrance..and crap...I have missed the first few bars of the piece....and this wouldnt' be the last time that night.  My mind won't focus on the show and I'm filled more and more with this weight each time I screw up or miss an entrance. 

My next break I decide to have a look at the liner notes of the Sting Double CD.  It's cool..handdrawn, neon stick figures based on their live show images.  Sting has written a little paragraph on each song - I love it!  Sting's opionion on his songs as if he were writing an email to his friend! Again, in my subconcious I hear cue lines that are indicating that I'm about to play. I put the CD insert on the music stand and attempt to put the CD jewel case with it...except it miss the stand ( not sure how ) and it crashed down onto the strings of my amplified upright bass making the most terribly conspicuous noise you can imagine in 'the pit' I know it's heard on stage and in the audience and as every musicians eye is on me I uncontrollably make a weird gesture. I've done it before and I don't know where it came from.  I move my hand to my face as if I'm about to salute but instead of raising my hand to my forehead I use my first two fingers to make the international hand gesture for a gun, place them pointing upwards on the side of my nose and then salute the 'finger gun' outwards straight away from my face





It doesn't help and the show goes incredibly downhill from there - it seemed that every moment that night I was screwing Anne more and more! 


  1. Man, I know that feeling. Screwing up in the pit is like.... simultaneously forgetting your anniversary and being naked in public. Tho' I'm not married so I guess I _don't_ know that feeling, but I imagine if I were, it would feel like that.

    1. yes... it felt exactly like that... your imagination serves you well.

      I think I just spoke like Darth Vader ...


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Acadian Meat Pie (Pâté)

One bass

Liquid music... or how I made my fortune